5 Ways to Deal With Difficult People
You cannot ignore toxic co-workers as they cause trouble for you and your team culture. Always call for a change.
Photo by Dmitry Ratushny on Unsplash
What is important to you at work?
You may wish for supportive coworkers and pleasant team culture. But I bet you have met some negative or even toxic colleagues.
One person can have a terrible influence on your team. The earlier you recognize that something is not working, the better chance you have of fixing it before it becomes a serious problem.
You cannot ignore what is happening on the team. Have a clear idea about how it should be and call out any tensions before conflicts arise. Here are five things you can do right now.
1. Don’t look away
I had a colleague who was a mess. He was making such a fuss about everything. He was not a team player and was a bit of a narcissist. Yet, he was also very successful with clients and got a lot of business in.
Our manager chose to look away.
When you look away, you decide to tolerate the situation.
This troublemaker bullied the whole team. He did not help with anything. When we complained to our manager, she promised to speak to him.
Yet, nothing has changed in 1,5 years. The team was demotivated, and some thought about leaving.
As organizational changes took place, the manager changed. The first thing the newly appointed one did was fire the troublemaker. Since then, the team blossomed and performance spiked up.
You should never ignore the tension in the team. Not even when you think that you cannot lose a high-performer. You have the team for a reason. When one part does not work, the whole team suffers. If your feedback is ignored, choose stricter tools, and consult with your HR.
2. Listen fairly and experiment
In your management career, you experience a lot of conflicts. Some team members cannot work together. Personalities clash. Communication is full of misunderstandings and false expectations.
I had two colleagues who hated each other. One was detail-oriented and strict. The other one was a creative mind living in his world. They drove each other nuts. Both of them spoke to me and put a lot of dirt on each other. So, where was the truth?
Always listen to both sides without preference.
You may like one coworker more than the other, but be fair. Listen to each part of the story. Collect as much information as you can before deciding on a solution.
In my case, I tested both by letting other people work with them. This experiment revealed that the creative mind was not diligent with his work and did not care about the outcome.
So, moving him to a different colleague helped him to understand what performance was needed.
3. Be open about your emotions
You may hesitate to talk about how you feel at work. You do not want to look weak. So, you let your frustration creep around in silence. But there is nothing wrong with sharing your feelings.
Your feelings reflect the situation in your team. How does it feel?
I led one insecure manager. He did not want to hurt anyone. Yet, his team suffered from his lack of decision-making power and hesitation. He also seemed to ignore management tips from others.
So what now?
What worked was to open cards. Many times, the problem is the lack of communication and understanding. When you open up, you may find solutions.
We found out what was overwhelming and created a step-by-step process for him. He needed time to get used to the role and the team. At the end of the day, he became more confident and earned the trust of his team.
4. Be time-sensitive
I have seen many people making this mistake. They were too patient and hopeful. They believed others could change by reminding them several times of the same issues.
People can change if they want to.
Many toxic coworkers do not want to. They are convinced they know the truth, and the rest is wrong.
My brand-new team member was lost. She said the other colleagues did not explain to her how to do things. They said she did not listen to them. They argued a lot and became annoyed. I facilitated this conflict by calming both sides and creating an action plan.
The training was progressing, but the complaining colleague did not. She said she needed more time. I gave her more time again and again. Until we realized how much time we already spent.
Patience is a virtue. But it is not neverending.
Be generous but realistic. Any action plan needs a schedule and clear consequences for what happens when the plan is not met. Sometimes people try hard and still do not get it. Sadly, not everyone has the same talents.
5. Do not deal with it alone
You have to invest a lot of emotional and mental energy into dealing with difficult people. So, why would you act as a solo knight in this situation?
Can you save the world? Probably you can. But not alone.
Find your allies. Your managers, colleagues, or HR representatives can help you. They can advise on steps you can take from a legal and company policy perspective. Always make sure you know what you can or cannot do.
Respect employee rights, always.
Some managers don’t want to share the problems for fear of looking incompetent. If managers cannot speak together, it shows how dysfunctional the whole culture is. Call for a change.
If you work in a toxic environment, it’s no surprise that your employees are difficult. Consider the situation carefully and decide what to do. Sometimes it is not about changing individuals, but about shifting the whole culture.
Final Thought
Be present. Listen to what’s on. What people complain about. How they speak behind each other’s back. When you see a problem early, it is much easier to deal with it.
Always call for a change before it escalates.
Be in favor of time-sensitive experiments within company policies. A lot of tension comes from people not trusting each other. Their communication is blocked. You can facilitate it by being open and supporting teamwork.
One thing is crucial - do not look away and leave it as someone else’s problem.