Case Study #25: The Lack of Respect

How to Do Damage Control.

Lack of respect.

Who’s fault is it?

I worked with a manager who didn’t have respect from his team. Julio was a kind-hearted man. He always meant it well with everyone. But for some reason, it did not translate well into his interactions with his team.

Here is what was happening:

The team members were late for work. They disregarded the feedback. They seemed not to care much about their goals.

Julio was hopeless, restless, and eager to make it work.

But how?

He tried to collect anonymous feedback. To his surprise, they said he was disrespecting them! How come?! He thought he was kind to them, but the impressions were reversed.

So, what would you do to build a culture of respect in a team?

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Let’s begin with the past.

There is usually some former behavior that has influenced your relationships now.

When someone complains about the lack of respect, you may feel bad for them. It isn’t very good! But start questioning why.

• Why is that?

• Why do people feel disrespected?

• Is it just their impression?

• What went wrong?

There are two sides of one coin.

I asked Julio about how it was with the team in the past. How was it for him to join them? How did the team grow? Who were they? Then, I went to the team members and asked similar questions.

After talking a lot, one thing became clear.

Julio did not communicate his values or set boundaries. He allowed people to be sloppy.

He was okay with mistakes. Yet, he also never admitted when he made his own. He was late for work himself. But bothered others with being on time. He didn’t keep his word or didn’t make enough time for the team.

So, there you go.

It felt like the manager Julio initiated the fall of his team.

Credit: https://no.pinterest.com/pin/movies-actors-actress--831406781226242347/

Lack of respect is a symptom.

The lack of respect is the beginning of vague communication.

Why do you respect some people and don’t others? You probably respect them because:

• They have competence and expertise.

• They act with integrity and honesty.

• They show empathy and compassion.

• They lead and have a vision.

• They are confident and fair.

• They are resilient.

• They respect you.

• They understand cultural norms.

• They are authentic.

Julio was friendly and kind. Yet, while meaning it well, he failed to show up for his team. They question his competencies (mistakes in his projects), integrity (he was late, others couldn’t), and respect for the team (he was not available enough for them).

Couple this with a lack of feedback and you have a fire on the roof.

Managers often live with the idea that being ‘nice’ to their teams is enough. It is not. Teams need direction. They need to trust you first. So, a lack of respect also shows a lack of trust.

It’s a snowball. When it starts running, it’s hard to stop it. It’s getting bigger and bigger.

The corrective process is long.

I had to prepare Julio for rebuilding respect with his team would be challenging. Possible, but I needed him to commit.

There are steps in the process:

1. Acknowledge the problem.

Put away your pride. Self-reflection is your best friend when you deal with a lack of respect.

Take an honest look at your behavior and leadership style. Use feedback. Talk to your mentor, friend, or team to identify specific incidents or patterns that may have caused the loss of respect.

Own your mistakes.

If you’ve made mistakes or demonstrated sloppy behavior yourself, admit it to yourself and your team. Taking responsibility is the first step towards rebuilding trust.

It’s admittedly the most difficult but need one.

2. Apologize and address specific situations.