Don’t Lose Your Head in Triggered Situations
4 Strategies to deal with emotional triggers.
Fire!
Fire!
Run! Or what should you do? Awwwww. The clock is ticking. Quick. Freeze.
That is pretty much how you appear in triggered situations. Silent. Shocked. Angry. Fearless. Fighty. Decisive. Snappy. Calm.
How many times during your day are you triggered?
Do you get that annoying ick every time you get an email from your project manager? Or when someone jumps over you in a coffee row? Or is your boss telling you your report is useless? Or did your wife leave dishes yet again on a table?
Grrrrrr. Fuming.
And now? Be angry or …. not!
Nay!
Fed up. Frustrated. Annoyed. Tired. Every person has a different reason why.
We have different values, backgrounds, and experiences. And so it happens we share a passion for communication and leadership. Thanks to that we meet weekly and build this reader-writer relationship.
When you get the issue, you choose what to do:
Don’t read it.
Read it.
File it.
Forget about it.
Unsubscribe since it no longer serves you.
React to it.
Use the tips.
The feeling and the choice play a huge role in how you react in every (triggered) situation.
“Nay, another email again.”
“Nay, another meeting again.”
“Nay, traffic jam.”
“Nay, another good person quits.”
Every “nay” moment in your day triggers emotions. Stuck more of these moments together in one day, and you’re fuming.
Pause and breathe or better pause and walk away
They say: pause and breathe. How can you start meditating when you’re in the middle of a tough negotiation?
Yes, taking a few deep breaths will calm you down. But it could feel uncomfortable. Imagine your boss having the ujjayi breathing break in the middle of your salary discussion. Weird.
Take a pause. The best to calm down and recollect is to change your environment. Ask for a quick coffee break. Walk away from harsh statements and angry conversations.
When you walk away, you don’t escape to hide. You go to find yourself cooling down. Stepping away gives you a moment to evaluate your situation, facts, and perspectives.
It could be annoying to break in the middle of a heated conversation. But it is so much more efficient to do so, than going in circles and letting the situation escalate.
#1: Move to a different setting to reset your mind and emotions.
Only one steamed minute
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr for 60 seconds.
Here comes the rule:
Be a growling bear, aggressive shark, or paralyzing jellyfish. But! Only for one minute.
When people get you annoyed, frustrated, furious, or tired. Experience the emotion and let it go.
It is difficult to handle the power of negative emotions in just one minute. You have to practice that. The advantage is you develop self-control and become proud of yourself.
Take a one-minute shower. That is pretty much how it works. You inevitably let the water drop down to the sink. Now, it is time to do the same with your triggered emotions. Let them leave your body and say goodbye to them.
#2: One minute, my friend. You can do it.
Start doing “Walk and Talk” meetings
Physical activity is a great way of releasing tension.
You probably cannot start doing jumping jacks in the middle of your performance review, but you can ask your team for a walk.
Walking meetings combine physical activity with problem-solving.
Try combining it with different settings. Book a different meeting room, go out for a walk, and be creative.
Sitting and staring angrily into each other’s eyes is a good scene for a Spaggeti movie, but probably won’t help you control your temper during triggered situations.
#3: Move.
Scribble & sticky note venting
My friend passed me a post-it with “WFT!”. Our manager was just announcing new promotions. That one lazy and slimy coworker got promoted to a senior project manager. We were speachless. The friend gave me her most furious look full of disbelief, and then turned back to the manager with a smile.
Try scribbling and sticky notes to handle your thoughts and emotions. Write down frustrations and keep them in your notebook, or laptop screen, or disregard them.
Naming what is bugging you and giving it a physical form is a great way of getting rid of it.
My friend was a master at that. When she got mad, she wrote it down and put it on her table.
#4: Vent by writing it down.
TL;DR
No more fires. Only little flames:
#1: Move to a different setting to reset your mind and emotions.
#2: Experience the emotion for one minute only. Like a quick shower.
#3: Move and do walk & talk meetings.
#4: Vent by writing it down.
Let’s go to work now! Ciao, Ivona
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