You feedback on something all the time.
Yet, in many cases, you don’t think about it as feedback. “The food was excellent.” “I had a good time.” “You’ve really helped me on this project. Thanks a lot.”
You may think of feedback when something needs to be corrected. As a tool, to tell someone off. With negative feelings and emotionally charged preparation, no wonder many feedback meetings are intense.
So, it happens many forget about the basics good feedback needs to have. There are three: why, listening, and agreement.
1. Why
You took time. Your feedback is well-prepared. You calmed your mind to deliver a concise and specific piece of information.
Even the best-prepared feedback meeting can fail.
Why?
Exactly because of the lack of “why”.
Feedback is a dialogue. You send a message, they receive it, and give you feedback. You receive it and give them feedback, etc.
Having prepared what you want to say is great. Now, put into your notes to ask enough why. We often have false assumptions. For instance:
A report had the wrong numbers. You assume: The person was sloppy and did not check it properly. But actually: The person understood the task differently.
A client did not receive an email confirmation. You assume: Your coworker forgot. But actually: He thought you would do it.
There are so many misunderstandings and confusion. Always give people the benefit of the doubt and ask them first about ‘why’.
You may discover gaps in knowledge, processes, and capacity peaks. On top, the feedback conversation will feel more friendly and fluid if you ask questions instead of telling them straight away: "You’re wrong, you made a mistake, etc.” That can easily emotionally hijack people.
2. Listening
Listening helps you truly understand what is happening and what has happened.
Trivial?
It is. Yet, often forgotten.
By actively listening, you grasp the specific points being raised and the intentions behind them. This also shows respect and empathy towards the person, demonstrating that you value their perspective and want to understand it fully.
Listening minimizes misinterpretation. It allows you to seek clarification if needed and it builds trust.
Listen to have a chance to reflect on the information and consider actionable steps together.
3. Agreement
Speaking of taking steps together. It can’t be achieved without agreement.
I’ve seen way too often how managers tell others what to do next. They find something is wrong and try to correct it their way. But will they succeed?
Yes and no.
They might do it your way but they won’t put their heart into it if they don’t agree with the solution. Difficult, isn’t it?
The agreement promotes trust and rapport. When feedback is met with agreement, it demonstrates that the recipient values the perspective of the feedback provider and acknowledges the validity of their observations. And the other way around.
Agreement fosters a sense of trust and openness. It creates a supportive environment for ongoing feedback exchange. The focus shifts from defending positions to jointly identifying solutions and strategies for growth.
That is how feedback should work. Next time, be willing to understand each other’s viewpoints. You might be surprised how well it paves the way for effective collaboration.
TL;DR
Leadership is knocking on your door. How do you respond?
Importance of "Why" in Feedback: Feedback should be well-prepared and concise, but it often lacks depth if the underlying reasons ("why") behind issues or misunderstandings are not explored.
Active Listening: It demonstrates respect, empathy, and a willingness to fully comprehend the other person's perspective, reducing misinterpretation and building trust.
Agreement: Feedback is most effective when it leads to agreement and collaboration rather than unilateral directives.
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