Keep Calm and Be Assertive

Deal with situations with less stress and more understanding.

You have so much to do in such a small amount of time? You poor thing.

Or wait a second. “Why don’t you have enough time?”

Could it be that you say 'yes' to everything? Do you do favors? That you do not resist and bow in front of your superiors, clients, or colleagues?

Think about it. Can you be overworked because you don't communicate? It's time to quit feeling like a victim and express yourself.

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Stop being a ‘yes’ person

“One word can change everything.” - Yes Man

What if this word was always yes?

Credit: Yes Man

Will you fly or drown? In the business world, you probably drown in tasks, responsibilities, and stress. ‘Corporate yes men’ grumble about having too many projects to manage or too many personnel to supervise.

How do you react when things get 'too much' for you?

Your mood is bad. Your productivity is questionable. You feel you have to survive. Let’s switch on autopilot. It does not take away the annoyance and stress resulting from stretched muscles, but it helps you steam out.

Now imagine this. What if you had the ability to say 'no'? It does not hurt your relationships to say what you want and need. Try it once.

Use 3 Cs

Enough of playing a victim or blaming others. Things are not happening to you. They just happen. How you deal with them is up to you. Embrace the three Cs to be a confident, clear, and in-control leader.

Confident (belief in yourself and your abilities)

• Prepare well for every meeting, presentation, or call. If you know your stuff, it will be easier to communicate effectively.

• Be positive and not stressed - practice (presentation, feedback, etc.) if you are anxious.

• Believe you can handle it.

Clear (express yourself clearly)

• Use simple statements, no jargon, and be specific. Provide concrete examples. No abstract statements or non-actionable statements (“Capacity planning should work better.” - OK, but how?),

• Use “I” to express your feelings, thoughts, or needs. (“I feel, I need, I think.”)

• Consider visual materials to illustrate your ideas if necessary. Or incorporate examples or stories.

Control (situation and emotions)

• Listen and don’t interrupt others. Give your attention = stay in control.

• Read the non-verbal language (body posture, tone, etc.) and keep yours confident and open (e.g., posture, eye contact),

• Be calm even if it gets heated (swing intense emotions back to a productive regime),

• Be flexible and offer more solutions, not only the ones you are in favor of.

Combine these three, and you win. Do not keep what you want and need for yourself. Assertive leaders build better relationships because others know what to expect. Land on common ground, not on your face.

IDEAL model

There are various communication styles. You frequently encounter both meek and aggressive people.

Assertiveness is somewhere between:

Credit: teamimprovus

It is a skill. The more you practice, the better you will get. Begin by practicing with the IDEAL model.

Practice IDEAL

I = Identify and understand the problem.

D = Describe the problem simply and objectively (what, how, who, where, why, when, etc.).

E = Express your worries and concerns and how the problem makes you feel.

A = Ask others for their perspectives and then ask for a reasonable change.

L = List the good outcomes if they make the change.

Consider the following scenario:

You are in charge of system implementation and have a developer assigned to you. You told him to create two test scenarios. He had two days to put the plan into action. You haven't heard from him in two days. You met to put two fresh alternatives to the test, but he did not follow your directions. He didn't do any of them.

How do you manage the IDEAL situation?

I: “The two scenarios are not done.”

D: "There was no pushback or questions on the instructions, and two new scenarios were not implemented. We are still not ready to test anything after two days."

E: "I'm stressed because I'm worried we'll be late because of this delay."

A: "What was the issue on your end?"

• "I didn't get the directions. They were unclear, and I didn't have time to discuss them with you."

• "Can we agree that whenever something is unclear, we should try to clarify questions right away?" Let us make time to share our problems with one another."

L: "As a result, we won't face delays, we won't be stressed because things aren't getting done, and we'll be able to come up with more efficient solutions to implement the new system." What are your thoughts?

Final thought

Consider a win-win situation.

Look for a compromise or solution that meets the needs of both parties. Assertiveness is about establishing a balance between your wishes/needs/demands and the needs of others.

Don't be preoccupied because you didn't communicate effectively enough. Don't be irritated because someone failed to deliver. Find common ground by meeting in the center.

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If you have 15 minutes to spare, listen to Adam Galinky on How to speak up for yourself.

See you next week! Ivona