Watch out for what you say.
This has never been more of a topic than it is now. Do you sometimes feel you can’t say anything anymore because whatever you say will touch or offend someone?
Everything could be misunderstood or misinterpreted or worse, used against you. Where is the line between personal vs. too personal? Politically correct vs. not? Inclusive vs. not?
Everything is (not) personal
Imagine having a coffee in your office kitchen. The discussion is about the Hockey World Cup.
Colleague A says it’s a redundant event - a waste of money that could be used better.
Colleague B defends it for its sports spirit and awesome atmosphere.
A: “Aha, so you like wasting money, huh?”
B: “I like guessing scores and having fun watching the matches.”
A: “So, you think I am no fun if I don’t watch it, right?”
and so it continues...
Is your every opinion personal? Probably. Do you make assumptions based on what others tell you? Probably.
But the tricky thing is when you take everything personally.
They disagree with your idea. = They don’t like you.
They don’t promote you. = They don’t like you.
They tell you about your mistake. = They don’t like you.
Try to think it is not always about you, but purely about the processes, communication, or ideas.
What if people don’t like how things are being done? They might not question you as a person, but the whole team’s culture.
Are people more sensitive?
I’ve heard a lot of things at work:
“Everyone is replaceable. You, too.”
“You’re too strict and hard.”
“It’s your fault. You didn’t support me enough.”
Some things hit me hard, but I didn’t do much about them. I swallowed it and moved on. Office gossip is annoying. No doubt about it. But what hurt my feelings even more was that my efforts were not appreciated.
But I wonder if that is what makes feedback tricky. You don’t want to slap others with bad news, but you want to share your impressions and feelings.
Where is the reasonable line? And are people more sensitive to what’s being said?
You disagree or tell someone about their mistake. Both can hijack people. However, positive feedback or not telling them won’t create productive collaboration.
Tiptoeing around your team won’t help either. What do you then?
Tell them or not to tell them? That is the question.
Avoid the personal plague
“The way we see the problem is the problem.” - Steven R. Covey
Don’t make trouble where there are none. Some team feuds come from a lack of trust and false assumptions. The quick remedy is simple:
Don’t assume that everything is about you.
It’s like when you walk on the street and people look at you. You may become self-conscious and suspicious. Why are they looking? Do they see your wrinkled shirt? Do they think you look bad?
Or they could look for no reason. Or they are interested in your shoes, and not in you.
Avoid seeing everything too personally. It is not. The world is turning for all of us, not just around you.
TL; DR
Misinterpretation risks: It could be hard to find the line between personal and too personal, politically correct and not.
Taking things personally: Don't take everything to heart. Separate personal feelings from feedback and ideas to avoid conflicts.
Monday Case Study: Team Development - What your team needs
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